I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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