Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
