he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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