She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
