"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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