if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize