Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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