ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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