Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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