dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
