I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
