I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize