Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
