he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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