Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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