Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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