I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
