Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
