I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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