why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
