bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
