somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
FUCK WHALES
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
