Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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