It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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