i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
