i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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