You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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