Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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