Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
