Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
