Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Text me some of your sweat
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