things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
