What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize