every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
