I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
