I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
