the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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