I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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