She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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