Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just had sex bonerless
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
