I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Everyone says I win the strip club
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
