I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
