You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think my moral compass just broke
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