The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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