I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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