I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
