someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
