did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
