they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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