I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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