i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
