Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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