where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
