insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
