Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
