I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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