so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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