I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
