As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
