I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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