my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
