dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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