Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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