Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
