Betty ford says i'm here all night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize