Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
