Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
