dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
